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FunnyA farmer and his son were working hard on his barn when a city boy stopped to ask for directions. After helping the lost driver, the farmer went back to jacking up the small barn while putting blocks of wood under each corner. The city boy just had to ask, "What are you doing?" "Well," said the farmer, "My prize mule keeps scraping his ears on the top of the barn door each time he goes through and I just can't have that." "Why don't you just dig a little ditch that goes under the doorway?" The farmer said, "Thanks, I'll think about it" and the driver pulled away. As the car heads down the road, the farmer turned to his son, "Dumb city slicker. The mule keeps scraping his ears, not his feet!"
(2)
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out?" What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! What do you call male ballerinas?
(3)
Signs You're Being Stalked by a Farm Animal 1. Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper -- upside down! 2. Whenever you cross the road, so does that damned chicken! 3. That foul smell, and you're not with your beer drinking buddies. 4. Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone. 5. Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain. 6. Everywhere you do, the bell! the Bell!! THE BELL!!! 7. You find a knit cap and FOUR bloody gloves. 8. You keep hearing , "Oink Oink," and there isn't a See'n'Say toy in sight. 9. After an ugly break-up with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a pot on your stove. 10. While baking custard pie, you step in cow pie. 11. All 84 Caller ID entries read, "Babe." 12. Note on your doorstep says, "We'll see who's laughing at Thanksgiving this year, Ginsu Boy!"
(4)
A witness was called to stand to testify about a head-on automobile collision. "Whose fault was this accident?" the lawyer asked. "As near as I could tell," replied the witness, "they hit each other at about the same time."
(5)
Politically Correct Terminology - Part I Genetically discriminating - racist Geological correction - earthquake Gerontologically advanced - old Government employee - stupid Grammatically challenged - one who has difficulties with grammar or (by extension) punctuation or spelling Gravitationally challenged - fat Horizontally challenged - thin Horizontally gifted - fat In denial - unaware that forgetting something obviously proves it happened in recovery - drunk/junkie Intellectually impaired - stupid Law enforcement officer - policeman Living impaired - dead Maintenance hole - man-hole Male gender biased - prefers men who shave their chests Mechanically challenged - broken down automobile Melanin-impoverished - white Metabolically challenged - dead Microslothically challenged - windows user Monetarily challenged - poor Funny
Funny
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